Lincoln in the Hospital with RSV

This past week I had noticed several more apnea spells than normal but he always brought his sats up. We got his new pulse ox and he was satting well until yesterday. His coloring was off and we decided to take him to see his pedi. Well when we got there he was satting very low and had cyanosis so he was then sent to peds at the childrens hospital. There they confirmed he had RSV and he was really struggling to breathe. They put him on a vent because he was getting weaker and weaker. I feel so horrible and feel I havent protected him enough. He has made trips back to the NICU when I go visit Pierce because I have no one to watch him, nor would I let anyone just watch him while I go see Pierce. Usually I would wait for my husband to get home and we would go together and he would stay in the car with Lincoln while I went in and then we would switch. But there were a few times I took him in. The girls both had been sick and I kept Lincoln away. I just feel so bad because now we will have both boys in the hospital on Christmas which has the girls torn up.